As I am typing this, I knew by heart that my mind earlier had been surged with the thoughts of flooding requirements, of prospects of failing, and of anxiety over uncertainties. My friends and colleagues, and even my previous teachers beforehand knew that I can prevail over academic stress, but sometimes, I blame myself for entering a prestigious university, in fact, the best in our country in terms of academics. I blame myself for choosing the wrong degree program, for my undying weakness in economics. But despite that, I felt motivated and challenged, because once and for all I did not only come to the university just to get A+ in my transcript of records, but also to learn about new things, aside from those I had already mastered, such as mathematics.
During this semester, I am bothered with the enlargement of my eye-bags, perhaps, because of staying late at night to study lessons. But during midnight, I go upstairs, to our house’s rooftop, and try to watch the stars, and how they twinkle after a few seconds. And in doing so, I remember my late bestfriend, Paul, who was once there with me, on the same rooftop, and having conversations about our dreams.
Last night, I don’t know why, but I felt that he was with me, as I rambled about my incompetency, of my recent failures. Years ago, when I felt that my elder brother had set his distance from me, he stood up for me just like my own brother.
“You know what? Since the day you were gone, I feel that I am always failing.” I said, gasping, while finding the moon over a cloud of stars.
But of course, I found no answer.
“But my friend, listen to my ramblings for a while. I know that you are someone who understands the most …”
From that moment, I whispered and shouted to the wind all my problems in school, in friendship, and in family. And when I was done talking, the stars appeared to be apparently twinkling several times, and a shooting star crossed the sky, almost only for a second. Though I acted childish, I made lots of wishes.
After which, I went back to my bed, and read the pointers for tomorrow’s exams, and slept with contentment and with overwhelming peace.